Treatment #2

I never imagined my first treatment would do me in as much as it did, but unfortunately they over did it on my meds (Zophran and steroids). Needless to say, I ended up with a severe migraine and nausea for days on end. If you know me, I am NOT a dramatic girl, but I have never felt so horrible in all my life! They were definitely some dark and emotional moments for me.

It took about a week to feel somewhat okay again, which was perfect timing because we left on Friday to go to KC to visit with my sister and Josh was in a soccer tourney. We took home the silver, by the way. WAY TO GO PANTHERS! Will have to post pictures later so you can see how adorable these boys are.

So treatment #2 is today at 11:45 and I feel sick just thinking about it. This one will probably be the worst for me. As if the nausea wasn't bad enough, I am told I will lose my hair with this treatment. I've known this, I've tried to prepare myself for this, but there's no preparing for this. I know I really should not care. All I should be thinking about is getting better.

But I HATE feeling sick and I especially HATE looking sick. Breast cancer mutilates a woman from the inside out. All that the Lord gave a woman to make her look and feel beautiful is striped from her, including her dignity.

As much as I'm trying to embrace all of this, it is extremely difficult. So I take it one day at a time. There are days where I am emotional and bitter (cannot lie). But then there are days like today, where I'm at peace. It's another "but God" moment for me. Here's what I read in today's devotional, "When you see your disappointment as God's appointment, you start to understand its purpose." WOW! That spoke to me.

I don't know what God's purpose is for me in all of this BUT I do know that it's His appointment and I can find no other place I'd rather be.

Please pray for me that I tolerate this next round better.

"33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

Eve of Treatment #1

It's been a long time since I've experienced such emotional highs and lows. So while I've been recovering quite nicely from surgery and regaining strength in my right arm, it's time to move on to the next phase of treatment...chemo.

As with surgery, I was sad and emotional up until the day prior. And then there was no more. The power of prayer.

So tomorrow at 8:30 am, I will have a port or portacath surgically put in. This is used to administer the chemo so that they don't have to stick me each time. Once the port is in, I will get my first treatment.

I will have 8 rounds of chemo. One round every two weeks for 4 months. Then afterwards, I will have radiation for a full month, Monday - Friday.

I know the Lord does not give us a spirit of fear and I know this season shall soon come to pass. Thank you for your prayers as they continue to be my stronghold.

"I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Feeling Better

Sorry, I should have posted this update sooner. But what a difference a day and LOTS of prayers make. By Monday last week, I turned a corner and started feeling so much better and haven’t looked back. Actually, I haven’t had time. I’ve been doing something every day and it feels so good!

I met with the plastic surgeon last week and he said that my incision looks good and that I’m ready for chemo. Wha??? I wasn’t prepared for that! But it certainly is good to hear that I’m progressing well. I meet with him again tomorrow for a “fill” and then I see the oncologist on Wednesday so I will find out when my treatments officially start.

The plastic surgeon also didn’t seem concerned that my arm is swelling up. He said it was pretty normal considering I had 20 lymph nodes removed and I haven’t been using it. So he started me on some light physical therapy and I’ve been using it more and it feels much better. Praise God!

I have been getting out of the house each day, enjoying the beautiful weather. I went shopping and got a pedi! I also went to church on Sunday and it was great to be back. I missed two weeks and it felt like forever! I just pray that I will be able to continue going while on my treatments. That was something I prayed about this morning. I know there will be side effects from the chemo and I’m preparing myself for it. But I especially prayed that I will have energy to enjoy life.

I have several doctor appts. this week and will post an update later in the week. Before I close, I do want to ask for continued prayers, but I also want to ask for prayers for two sweet women battling breast cancer, Chris and Shama. Chris is a childhood friend and I don’t know all the details of her situation, but she has a twin who has been posting updates on Facebook. It’s heartbreaking to hear about her pain and suffering.

Shama and I are related by marriage and while I don’t know her very well, we now have this awful disease to talk about. She went undiagnosed for over 6 months before she was able to finally convince her doctor that something was seriously wrong. In Oct-11, she was diagnosed with stage 3C breast cancer. She just completed 5 months of chemo and will undergo a bi-lateral mastectomy on April 3rd.

You know, as much as I want to feel sorry for myself, I can’t. You don't have to look very far to find someone else's pain and suffering far exceeds your own.

“Even though Jesus was God's Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.”
Hebrews 5:8 NLT

Good Days....Bad Days

I really struggled with the title of this post. Even though this past week was pretty rough, I have been blessed beyond all measure.

The first surgery went so well that it set the bar for the second surgery, but much to my disappointment, the recovery from the second surgery (expander) has not been easy. I almost regret it. The expander is so uncomfortable that I don’t know if I will ever get used to it. Granted, it has only been a week so time will tell.

Another issue is that I have limited use of my right hand and arm AND I’m right-handed. Why couldn’t it be my left side?!? I feel so helpless and needy! To add insult to injury, I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics which caused a rash on my right arm and side. My right arm has also been swelling which could be the onset of lymphedema. I start physical therapy for it tomorrow.

I’m leaving out a lot of details because this is my second attempt at typing this post. I lost the original draft which took a long time since I can only type with my left hand. :-(
Needless to say, I have been at my breaking point and ready to give up!

But then….my youngest, Josh (momma’s boy) gave me a card that he and his Sunday school class made for me. Josh wrote, “I love you mom. Keep fighting.” I lost it…..

Have you noticed throughout the Bible when trials and tribulations arose, the next sentence starts with, but then? But then, the Lord intercedes and pours out His grace and mercy. And that’s exactly what He did for me in that moment. I so needed to hear those precious words, “I love you mom. Keep fighting.”

So even though my heart has been heavy with sadness, I look around my home and see blessings beyond all measure. A day does not go by that I don’t receive cards in the mail or texts from friends checking in on me or a meal at my front door or a call from a relative. My home is filled with flowers, balloons, sweets, care packages, gifts, but most importantly, my home is filled with His/your love. Thank you.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7

No Pain ~ No Gain

Thank goodness for pain meds! Yesterday's surgery was rough, but I'm feeling a little better today. Praise God!

I feel bad for women who have to have a bilateral mastectomy. It's hard enough managing with only one arm, but both.

I'll need to have 2 more reconstruction surgeries but they won't take place for awhile. Next step is chemo and it will start in 2-3 weeks.

Just received some GREAT news. Pathogy results are in and there was no cancer in the breast tissue and only 1 diseased lympnode. Thank you Jesus!

I sooo appreciate all of your prayers! They are definitely being felt.

All the glory and honor is His!

P.S. I'm a little loopie from the pain meds, but hope my post is making sense. ;)

Home Sweet Home

I am home and all things considered, feeling pretty good. The power of prayer is an amazing thing. I am resting comfotably in my pink jammies, pink socks, under a pink blanket, with pink pillows. It's my new favorite color!

There are no words that can express how deeply and truly grateful I am for everyone's loving kindness. Your words of encouragement and prayers have given me much strength. It is comforting to know I am far from alone in this fight.

John and I have been overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness and support. The hospital visits, texts, emails, FB posts, phone calls, cards, gift cards, meals, goodies, beautiful blanket, blouses, candy, magazines, pillows, flowers, plant, ballon bouquets in our house and on our mailbox, pink hair, and a pink ribbon on our neighbor's house. You have thought of everything! I feel LOVED!

Thank you!!!

Your continued prayers are appreciated. I have another surgery on Monday which is outpatient. We also hope to get the pathology results next week which will hopefully provide confirmation that the cancer has not spread beyond a lymph node.

We are also trying to keep things as normal as possible for the boys. It felt so good to hug and kiss on them today. They're at our friends house tonight and skating tomorrow so that outta keep them a little busy.

Thanks again to all and much love,

Sandy

P.S. Thank you Shannon for keeping up my posts and for all you are doing.

HOME!!

Sandy is HOME!

Maybe she will take back her blog.

Or maybe not.

It was so good to talk to her knowing she is able to rest comfortably at home.

And she is amazing. If you don't know her, I am sorry. She is such a beautiful picture of God's grace and love. The way she is handling this journey, I stand in awe.

We want to comfort her, yet she comforts US.

We want to encourage her, she encourages US.

We worry about her, she worries about US.

We want to love her, but we are the ones feeling loved by her.

We had fun filling the house today with pink balloons, but I assure you there was no cleaning going on. I decided when Sandy is better I am making her come over and teach me some organization tips!

Home, such a word that just makes you feel good.