It's Been A Year

One year ago today I received that dreaded phone call and heard those dreadful words, "you have breast cancer."  It has been a year of ups and downs but looking back, I see the Lord's footprints in the sand and know He has carried me through. 

I realize it's been a long time since I've blogged or posted much on FB.  I think it's because my life has gotten back to some normalcy.  Or more like my new normal.

Ironically, I also had an appointment with my Oncologist today.  I asked him, "So what am I?  In remission, cured, or what??"  He said, "disease-free."  I'll take that.  He went on to say that reocurrence usually occurs in years 5 - 10 but if there's no reocurrence in 10 years, I would be "cured."  Well, that's my goal so I have 9 more years!

I'm also a little over a week away from reaching another milestone.  On Jan. 28th, I'll go in for reconstruction surgery.  I'm not nervous about it but imagine that will change with each passing day.  It will be the most invasive procedure I've ever experienced.

Your continued prayers are appreciated. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."  Ephesians 3:20

Celebration Day - Last Chemo Treatment

I am in awe of the Lord's majesty shown through His people.  Even though the past 6 months have been tough, I have had more special days than not.  Today, was no exception.

I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to hear my nurse say, "You are done!"  I jumped up, rang the bell, and cried....I hugged my momma and friends. "We did it!"  This has not been a journey that I have traveled alone.  Quite the contrary.

I feel so loved and so special.  My family, friends, church family, neighbors, co-workers, and even strangers have carried me through this battle.  They have not left my side and I would have never made it this far without them. 

So today we celebrated!  We celebrated at my treatment and then I had a surprise waiting for me afterwards.  Yes, I was surprised!  The girl who always ruins surprises.  Our neighbors, Jeff and Cheryl recently opened up a Hot Shots in Arnold and they graciously opened their doors and hosted my celebration party.

It was so nice and I was so surprised!  So many people were there and they were there for me.  Thank you!  Thank you for loving me, supporting me, encouraging me, praying for me, and now celebrating with me.

I am really exhausted but I could not go to sleep without letting everyone know how special you are to me.  I appreciate ALL you've done and when I lay my head down tonight, I will thank the Lord for each one of you and I will pray that He blesses you a million times over for what you have done for me.

Much love to you and your family!  I will NEVER forget what you've done.  It truly means so much to me.

^{Philippians 1:3-6 NIV
3} I thank my God every time I remember you. ⁴ In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy ⁵ because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

I Can See the Light!

I apologize as I have not done a good job at keeping up with my blog.  While going back to work 3 days a week has been therapeutic because it takes my mind off of me, it definitely drains my energy level.

So today I finished up treatment #7.  I have 1 more to go!!  PTL!  Erin, Shannon, and of course, my momma sat with me and kept me company during the 4 hour long treatment.  My counts were the same as last treatment.  Another praise!

Even though I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I was diagnosed on January, 17th and I'm thankful the past 5 months have flown by.  Trust me, it has not been easy.  BUT, I know my Lord and Savior, my Heavenly Father, my Refuge and Strength, my Comforter, and my Healer has carried me through.

There have been times though that I humbly question Him, especially when I am at my weakest.  But then He lovingly reminds me that this is a brief season and that MANY blessings have come from it.  He speaks to me through the kind and encouraging words of others.  I trust Him and Him alone to see me and my family through this.

Psalm 20:7 NIV
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. 

A Sea of Pink

This post is a week overdue but treatment #3 is down in the books and #4 is this Thursday at 11 am.  My momma, Michelle, Tammy, and Shannon were there keeping me company.  Can't wait for the day where we can celebrate the very last one.  It will be a PARTEY!! 

I also want to mention that my blood counts were normal which is a HUGE praise.  As long as they stay in the healthy range, I have 5 remaining treatments (8 in total).  I don't want to think about the alternative if they do not.  So I ask you to please pray that they continue to remain healthy.

You might be wondering why I titled this post "A Sea of Pink."  Well, let me tell you....sometimes I find myself completely at a loss for words or just in utter amazement at the ourpouring of love and support I have received from my church family, friends, and co-workers.  Sunday, May 6th was no exception. 

It was suppose to be a surprise but I accidentally found out that our Pastor along with my dear friends had planned a special day at church in honor of those who have survived breast cancer or are currently being treated. Church members were asked to wear pink.  So even though I knew about it, I cannot tell you how overwhelmed I felt walking into the sanctuary and seeing a sea of pink.  I lost it!  It was so incredibly touching!

Even before I left the house, I was in tears.  Even though I knew about the special day, John and I really didn't talk much about it before hand.  But when I came downstairs that morning and saw John and my boys all wearing pink, it was such a sweet sight.  First of all, never have I seen my man wear pink but then my boys too.  They looked so cute! Well, I think they'd prefer I say handsome.  ;)

Oh and to top it all off, my girlfriends had this T-shirt made up and were selling them at church.  I love it!!

Oh wait!  There was one more special touch.  Our sweet neighbor Bebe surprised us and had tied pink ribbons around our front porch and the tree in our front yard.  You can see them in the picture above.

So lastly, I want to mention that I have returned to work (3 days a week).  Wednesday was my first day back and guess what everyone was wearing?!?  You guessed it.  Pink!  Loved it!  It was so sweet.  Some of the men even went out and bought a pink shirt.  Oh and on my desk were flowers from Carolyn and balloons from Brandii.  It was so nice to see everyone after being gone for 2 1/2 months.  I also enjoyed going out to lunch with my soul sisters, Tameka and Brandii.  I just LOVE my soul sisters!  I have been at my job for almost 7 years and will tell you that the people I work with are not just co-workers.  They are near and dear to me just like family.  When I hurt, they hurt and vice versa.

I am thankful beyond words, constantly moved to tears, by the outpouring of kindness and encouragement.  I do not feel worthy.  I don't know that I'll ever be able to repay them but ask my heavenly Father to pour out His blessings on all of these special people in my life. 

Love you all,
Sandy

Eve of Treatment #3

Here I am the eve of treatment #3 and I have insomnia.  It's been happening a lot lately too which is odd especially because I fatigue so easily.  But I guess it's giving me time to blog.  ;)

Treatment #2 went much better than the first.  Praise God!  Aside from fatigue, digestive issues, and mouth tasting like crude, it was tolerable.  It took me about a week to rebound from it which was perfect timing as it allowed me to enjoy my sisters wedding this past weekend. 

So while it was tolerable, I'm not ready to face #3.  Am I ready to get it over with?  Absolutely!  But I still hate everything about it.  I guess what I'm saying is that I need your continued prayers.  I need HIS strength.  

I recently read a book that Shannon recommended.  By the way, that girl does some reading!  I don't think she ever lets her mind rest.  LOL!  The book is called Me and the Ugly C by Becky Dennington.  The author is a survivor and while she always knew she'd be a writer some day, she never imagined her first book would document her breast cancer journey.

The author is also a Christian and lives 3 hours from St. Louis and traveled back and forth to Barnes for several months while undergoing treatment.  If you or anyone you know is battling BC, I highly recommend this book!  You're welcome to borrow my copy.

It was therapeutic for me.  It affirmed my thoughts, fears, and emotions.  There was one chapter in particular that really got to me.  It made me bawl.  Even if I didn't have BC, I'm sure I still would have cried.  But this one touched me deeply because I've been there.  She writes:

But some days I am not strong.

And some days I am not brave.

Some days I am sad and discouraged.

And sometimes there are reasons.

 And sometimes there just aren't.

Chemo was really taking it's toll on her emotionally and physically but she stayed strong and relied on her Heavenly Father to see her through.  She ended the chapter as follows which of course made me cry some more!

 Sometimes I forget to look, but my glass is half full...not empty.  I will REST when I'm tired.  I will not give up.  I will accept that some days will be hard and discouraging, but I know that tomorrow will be brighter.  I will remember that this isn't just about me and that there are others standing outside, depending on me to make it go away.

This woman's work is not done.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."  Romans 8:18



And this woman's work is NOT done either!  I WILL not give up!  I WILL continue to be strong for those around me!  Tomorrow WILL be brighter!

My Cup Runneth Over

So yesterday my hair was falling out by the handfuls and I just couldn't take it any longer.  I had a friend lined up today to help with the deed and even my sister-in-law as back-up.  But I just couldn't wait. 

I received my daily text from my dear friend, Erin asking me how I was doing and what could she do for me.  This girl has a heart of gold.  I don't know if there's anything she wouldn't do for me! I asked if she would come over and shave my hair and without hesitation she said, I'd be honored.

Then, I received my daily text from another dear friend, Shannon and once I told her what was going down.  It was on!  She rallied Michelle and Susan and within a short time, I had all four of these lovely ladies in my home ready to hold my hand, pray with me, laugh with me, cry with me, whatever I needed they were there for me.

These girls are teaching me so much about what it means to walk as a Godly woman.  To honour their Savior by carrying their friend through a difficult time, but doing so with so much joy in their hearts.  I am so grateful for each and every one of them!  They are all so busy taking care of their own families, but they dropped everything for me!  My illness, hair, etc. is so temporary, but the bond I share with these girls is for eternity.  LOVE  you girls with ALL my heart!

Proverbs 31:10-31 (NIV)

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character (Godly Woman)

^{10 [a]}A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

God is so Gracious!

I'm sorry if my last post was upsetting for you.  I started it when I was really not feeling well.  Spiritually, mentally, and physically I was just depleted.  But thanks to your prayers, I am feeling so much stronger.

By the time I was on my way to my treatment, I was at peace.  My momma drove me and then I walk in, and my friends Shannon, Susan, and Tammy where already there waiting for me.  I just LOVE these girls!  We even went out to lunch afterwards.  God is so gracious!

I even got to go to the LifeNetwork banquet where I ate a yummy fried chicken meal and spent the evening with dear friends and got to hear a great speaker.  My sweet friend Michelle offered to drive me and I told her that I would call her by 6 pm if I was not feeling up to it.  Thankfully, I was still feeling well so I decided to get ready and realized that my hair was starting to fall out in small strands.  I didn't panic!  I just asked Jesus, one more night.  I'm an 80's girl so I decided to hair spray it down and it held up.  God is so gracious!

This morning I was scared to wash my hair but I did.  I was gentle with it though.  Lol!  I didn't even blow dry it that much.  I just scrunched it with product and hair spray and off I went to go shopping with my mom.  I first had to stop at the Curtis Jewelry to drop off a necklace to be fixed.  The lady who helped me was so beautiful and had the prettiest hair and do you know what she said to me?!?  I love your hair.  The color and style is so flattering on you!  Wha?!?  It was as if Jesus was speaking right through her.  My eyes just filled with tears and of course I had to explain to her why.  She ran and grabbed some tissues and told me she would pray for me.  God is so gracious!

I don't know why this is my appointment.  Maybe through this, a co-worker, a friend, a family member will come to know Christ as their personal Savior.  I have already seen how the Lord is working in my mom.  She has never been happier.  Don't get me wrong, it saddens her deeply to see me like this but He is also granting her peace.  Our church family and the Godly women who I have the pleasure of calling my dear friends have been a testimony of Christ's deep love for His people.

A close cousin of mine and her family had fallen away from the Lord and our family, but now I find them coming back around.  Praise God!  She is calling me on a regular basis and reminds me that I am still her little girl.  So while some days are filled with pain and disappointment, this makes it worth it.  Or when my boys are loving on me like nobody's business, it's all worth it.

I don't know how people get through times like this without the hope of Jesus Christ.   If there is anyone reading this who does not have a personal relationship with Christ, I strongly encourage you to reach out to me or another Christian friend you can put you on the path.  Please don't wait until something like this happens to you or some other trial in life.  I assure you, if you haven't experienced rough times in your life, just you wait because it WILL happen.  Life can be cruel and can beat you down, but when you have the hope in Jesus, He and only He can give you the strength to persevere.  Please know that I am speaking boldly out of love and not judgement.  I would love to share with you what my life was like without Christ and what a difference He has made in my life.  And yes, God is so gracious!

Our dear Pastor and friend sent this verse to me and John.

Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV)

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Much love,
Sandy