My Cup Runneth Over

So yesterday my hair was falling out by the handfuls and I just couldn't take it any longer.  I had a friend lined up today to help with the deed and even my sister-in-law as back-up.  But I just couldn't wait. 

I received my daily text from my dear friend, Erin asking me how I was doing and what could she do for me.  This girl has a heart of gold.  I don't know if there's anything she wouldn't do for me! I asked if she would come over and shave my hair and without hesitation she said, I'd be honored.

Then, I received my daily text from another dear friend, Shannon and once I told her what was going down.  It was on!  She rallied Michelle and Susan and within a short time, I had all four of these lovely ladies in my home ready to hold my hand, pray with me, laugh with me, cry with me, whatever I needed they were there for me.

These girls are teaching me so much about what it means to walk as a Godly woman.  To honour their Savior by carrying their friend through a difficult time, but doing so with so much joy in their hearts.  I am so grateful for each and every one of them!  They are all so busy taking care of their own families, but they dropped everything for me!  My illness, hair, etc. is so temporary, but the bond I share with these girls is for eternity.  LOVE  you girls with ALL my heart!

Proverbs 31:10-31 (NIV)

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character (Godly Woman)

^{10 [a]}A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

God is so Gracious!

I'm sorry if my last post was upsetting for you.  I started it when I was really not feeling well.  Spiritually, mentally, and physically I was just depleted.  But thanks to your prayers, I am feeling so much stronger.

By the time I was on my way to my treatment, I was at peace.  My momma drove me and then I walk in, and my friends Shannon, Susan, and Tammy where already there waiting for me.  I just LOVE these girls!  We even went out to lunch afterwards.  God is so gracious!

I even got to go to the LifeNetwork banquet where I ate a yummy fried chicken meal and spent the evening with dear friends and got to hear a great speaker.  My sweet friend Michelle offered to drive me and I told her that I would call her by 6 pm if I was not feeling up to it.  Thankfully, I was still feeling well so I decided to get ready and realized that my hair was starting to fall out in small strands.  I didn't panic!  I just asked Jesus, one more night.  I'm an 80's girl so I decided to hair spray it down and it held up.  God is so gracious!

This morning I was scared to wash my hair but I did.  I was gentle with it though.  Lol!  I didn't even blow dry it that much.  I just scrunched it with product and hair spray and off I went to go shopping with my mom.  I first had to stop at the Curtis Jewelry to drop off a necklace to be fixed.  The lady who helped me was so beautiful and had the prettiest hair and do you know what she said to me?!?  I love your hair.  The color and style is so flattering on you!  Wha?!?  It was as if Jesus was speaking right through her.  My eyes just filled with tears and of course I had to explain to her why.  She ran and grabbed some tissues and told me she would pray for me.  God is so gracious!

I don't know why this is my appointment.  Maybe through this, a co-worker, a friend, a family member will come to know Christ as their personal Savior.  I have already seen how the Lord is working in my mom.  She has never been happier.  Don't get me wrong, it saddens her deeply to see me like this but He is also granting her peace.  Our church family and the Godly women who I have the pleasure of calling my dear friends have been a testimony of Christ's deep love for His people.

A close cousin of mine and her family had fallen away from the Lord and our family, but now I find them coming back around.  Praise God!  She is calling me on a regular basis and reminds me that I am still her little girl.  So while some days are filled with pain and disappointment, this makes it worth it.  Or when my boys are loving on me like nobody's business, it's all worth it.

I don't know how people get through times like this without the hope of Jesus Christ.   If there is anyone reading this who does not have a personal relationship with Christ, I strongly encourage you to reach out to me or another Christian friend you can put you on the path.  Please don't wait until something like this happens to you or some other trial in life.  I assure you, if you haven't experienced rough times in your life, just you wait because it WILL happen.  Life can be cruel and can beat you down, but when you have the hope in Jesus, He and only He can give you the strength to persevere.  Please know that I am speaking boldly out of love and not judgement.  I would love to share with you what my life was like without Christ and what a difference He has made in my life.  And yes, God is so gracious!

Our dear Pastor and friend sent this verse to me and John.

Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV)

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Much love,
Sandy

Treatment #2

I never imagined my first treatment would do me in as much as it did, but unfortunately they over did it on my meds (Zophran and steroids). Needless to say, I ended up with a severe migraine and nausea for days on end. If you know me, I am NOT a dramatic girl, but I have never felt so horrible in all my life! They were definitely some dark and emotional moments for me.

It took about a week to feel somewhat okay again, which was perfect timing because we left on Friday to go to KC to visit with my sister and Josh was in a soccer tourney. We took home the silver, by the way. WAY TO GO PANTHERS! Will have to post pictures later so you can see how adorable these boys are.

So treatment #2 is today at 11:45 and I feel sick just thinking about it. This one will probably be the worst for me. As if the nausea wasn't bad enough, I am told I will lose my hair with this treatment. I've known this, I've tried to prepare myself for this, but there's no preparing for this. I know I really should not care. All I should be thinking about is getting better.

But I HATE feeling sick and I especially HATE looking sick. Breast cancer mutilates a woman from the inside out. All that the Lord gave a woman to make her look and feel beautiful is striped from her, including her dignity.

As much as I'm trying to embrace all of this, it is extremely difficult. So I take it one day at a time. There are days where I am emotional and bitter (cannot lie). But then there are days like today, where I'm at peace. It's another "but God" moment for me. Here's what I read in today's devotional, "When you see your disappointment as God's appointment, you start to understand its purpose." WOW! That spoke to me.

I don't know what God's purpose is for me in all of this BUT I do know that it's His appointment and I can find no other place I'd rather be.

Please pray for me that I tolerate this next round better.

"33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

Eve of Treatment #1

It's been a long time since I've experienced such emotional highs and lows. So while I've been recovering quite nicely from surgery and regaining strength in my right arm, it's time to move on to the next phase of treatment...chemo.

As with surgery, I was sad and emotional up until the day prior. And then there was no more. The power of prayer.

So tomorrow at 8:30 am, I will have a port or portacath surgically put in. This is used to administer the chemo so that they don't have to stick me each time. Once the port is in, I will get my first treatment.

I will have 8 rounds of chemo. One round every two weeks for 4 months. Then afterwards, I will have radiation for a full month, Monday - Friday.

I know the Lord does not give us a spirit of fear and I know this season shall soon come to pass. Thank you for your prayers as they continue to be my stronghold.

"I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Feeling Better

Sorry, I should have posted this update sooner. But what a difference a day and LOTS of prayers make. By Monday last week, I turned a corner and started feeling so much better and haven’t looked back. Actually, I haven’t had time. I’ve been doing something every day and it feels so good!

I met with the plastic surgeon last week and he said that my incision looks good and that I’m ready for chemo. Wha??? I wasn’t prepared for that! But it certainly is good to hear that I’m progressing well. I meet with him again tomorrow for a “fill” and then I see the oncologist on Wednesday so I will find out when my treatments officially start.

The plastic surgeon also didn’t seem concerned that my arm is swelling up. He said it was pretty normal considering I had 20 lymph nodes removed and I haven’t been using it. So he started me on some light physical therapy and I’ve been using it more and it feels much better. Praise God!

I have been getting out of the house each day, enjoying the beautiful weather. I went shopping and got a pedi! I also went to church on Sunday and it was great to be back. I missed two weeks and it felt like forever! I just pray that I will be able to continue going while on my treatments. That was something I prayed about this morning. I know there will be side effects from the chemo and I’m preparing myself for it. But I especially prayed that I will have energy to enjoy life.

I have several doctor appts. this week and will post an update later in the week. Before I close, I do want to ask for continued prayers, but I also want to ask for prayers for two sweet women battling breast cancer, Chris and Shama. Chris is a childhood friend and I don’t know all the details of her situation, but she has a twin who has been posting updates on Facebook. It’s heartbreaking to hear about her pain and suffering.

Shama and I are related by marriage and while I don’t know her very well, we now have this awful disease to talk about. She went undiagnosed for over 6 months before she was able to finally convince her doctor that something was seriously wrong. In Oct-11, she was diagnosed with stage 3C breast cancer. She just completed 5 months of chemo and will undergo a bi-lateral mastectomy on April 3rd.

You know, as much as I want to feel sorry for myself, I can’t. You don't have to look very far to find someone else's pain and suffering far exceeds your own.

“Even though Jesus was God's Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.”
Hebrews 5:8 NLT

Good Days....Bad Days

I really struggled with the title of this post. Even though this past week was pretty rough, I have been blessed beyond all measure.

The first surgery went so well that it set the bar for the second surgery, but much to my disappointment, the recovery from the second surgery (expander) has not been easy. I almost regret it. The expander is so uncomfortable that I don’t know if I will ever get used to it. Granted, it has only been a week so time will tell.

Another issue is that I have limited use of my right hand and arm AND I’m right-handed. Why couldn’t it be my left side?!? I feel so helpless and needy! To add insult to injury, I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics which caused a rash on my right arm and side. My right arm has also been swelling which could be the onset of lymphedema. I start physical therapy for it tomorrow.

I’m leaving out a lot of details because this is my second attempt at typing this post. I lost the original draft which took a long time since I can only type with my left hand. :-(
Needless to say, I have been at my breaking point and ready to give up!

But then….my youngest, Josh (momma’s boy) gave me a card that he and his Sunday school class made for me. Josh wrote, “I love you mom. Keep fighting.” I lost it…..

Have you noticed throughout the Bible when trials and tribulations arose, the next sentence starts with, but then? But then, the Lord intercedes and pours out His grace and mercy. And that’s exactly what He did for me in that moment. I so needed to hear those precious words, “I love you mom. Keep fighting.”

So even though my heart has been heavy with sadness, I look around my home and see blessings beyond all measure. A day does not go by that I don’t receive cards in the mail or texts from friends checking in on me or a meal at my front door or a call from a relative. My home is filled with flowers, balloons, sweets, care packages, gifts, but most importantly, my home is filled with His/your love. Thank you.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7

No Pain ~ No Gain

Thank goodness for pain meds! Yesterday's surgery was rough, but I'm feeling a little better today. Praise God!

I feel bad for women who have to have a bilateral mastectomy. It's hard enough managing with only one arm, but both.

I'll need to have 2 more reconstruction surgeries but they won't take place for awhile. Next step is chemo and it will start in 2-3 weeks.

Just received some GREAT news. Pathogy results are in and there was no cancer in the breast tissue and only 1 diseased lympnode. Thank you Jesus!

I sooo appreciate all of your prayers! They are definitely being felt.

All the glory and honor is His!

P.S. I'm a little loopie from the pain meds, but hope my post is making sense. ;)